GOD'S AGENDA VS MINE
Photography: Brock Jorgensen l Model: Ben Graham l Boxers: Dee Silkie

Photography: Brock Jorgensen l Model: Ben Graham l Boxers: Dee Silkie

I was recently watching a video where a woman was giving advice to another woman that it is "important that she not promote herself" and "that God will do that [promotion] for her." I remember a bible verse about not seeking attention for yourself but directing attention to God, or not trying to please others but to try and please God (maybe those are two separate verses?) This is something that weighs on my mind a lot and hearing someone who I admire say that has made me think about this even more. 

I am a designer and content creator here in New Brunswick, Canada. There is little to no opportunity here, and most of the opportunities that I have gotten are ones that I have created for myself. (At least when I first started out anyway.) A lot of my success in the past 1-2 years has come from self-promotion, networking, and putting myself out there. I know that ultimately everything that has worked out in my life has been because God blessed it, however I also know that in those situations it wasn't because I was sitting at home doing nothing about my future. I was actively pursuing my hopes and dreams.

I am also aware that what I am doing and the industry that I am in can become a slippery slope. Being a person/professional who constantly puts herself out there can lead to pride, cockiness, and other ugly tendencies. I don't want these things! However if I am being honest I do want to be successful and even famous for my work. This is where my confusion and inner doubt comes in.

I guess I feel conflicted because I feel like in my line of work these are things that I HAVE to do. I have to (and want to), blog, Instagram, network, create events/opportunities and more, all to get exposure, income, and employment. I am not saying if I didn't do those things God wouldn't provide. I just feel like these are some of my gifts and I am meant to do these things. How do I know the difference between using my spiritual gifts for God however and pursuing my own agenda? How do I know that what I am doing is actually a gift from God vs doing something that comes from a place of selfishness? 

This is written as sort of an open ended question. Maybe one that I will never know the answer to. 

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me." -Erma Bombeck

D.W.